“ugly, bitter, and true” suzanne rivecca // “faulty” leila chatti // “waiting” marya hornbacher // “blue rotunda” louise glück
TRANSCRIPT IMAGE 1: “It has to be perfect. It has to be irreproachable in every way.”
“Why?” she said.
“To make up for it,” I said. “To make up for the fact that it’s me.”
2: I wanted to be loved more
than I wanted to be
alive. For so long
I thought not to be
loved is good but to be loved
is to be good
All those years, convinced — surely
I must be bad, the way
you keep punishing me.
3: We so often believe that in order to be loved, we must be perfect. Better than human. Not human. It’s a form of arrogance, really. My notion that I could ever be perfect, and gain the love and respect I so craved for that perfection, was predicated on a faith in my own superhuman self. I believed that if I just tried a little harder, I could shake off the demons that tapped my shoulder; if I talked a little louder, I could drown out the sound of my whispering secrets; if I ran a little faster, I’d be a blur, and then no one could see the ragtag mess that I was.
4: I want it
to be my fault
she said
so I can fix it—
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